I'm no parenting guru, but if asked, the one thing I always tell new moms and dads is: Get used to the feeling of helplessness. Or look at it this way: As much as we want our kids to go play in traffic sometimes, we always want them to look both ways before they cross the street. And we're never truly sure they will.
This gnawing emotion starts, literally, at conception. From the moment you know you're going to have a child, the doubts start to seep in. Will our baby be OK — 10 fingers, 10 toes, and the like? If he/she isn't, how will I react? No matter what, will I be a good parent to my child(ren)?
Immediately, we flashback to our childhoods, and become determined to erase all the things our parents did "wrong" when we were kids. You know that feeling; being wronged at some point in your childhood is universal, a guarantee that's as ironclad as any genetic trait.
Not to be pessimistic or cynical, but even if you manage to erase every generational wrong in your family tree, all parents make mistakes. Some are newer than others, some are perhaps more creative, but this is not Augusta National. No one is excluded from the club.
More likely, you will develop a begrudging understanding of why your folks did the things they did, usually during or after an experience in which your child dragged you through the Parenting 101 knot hole. Have you looked in the mirror and seen your parent's face and torso, arms crossed with an "I told you so" look in the reflection? I know I have.
Back to helpless. The problem, just as universal as the wrongs, is that we can't live their lives through them or for them. We've already had our shot at childhood. Rather than hover over them with the stealth-like attention military snipers can appreciate, we have to learn to give them their own air space to figure it all out.
In many respects, that can be the most helpless — and ultimately selfless — feeling of all.
No comments:
Post a Comment