A PSA for Parenting

Dear Children of Mine:

I am blessed to have four wonderful kids, all with individual talents and strengths. But, as your parent, I also feel compelled to remind you of one single, simple fact: You don’t know everything.

Sorry about that. I realize it comes as a shock.

Before you get, well, um, “unhappy” with me about this statement, I hope you will understand that it comes from experience. Every person goes through a phase in which their parents know absolutely nothing. Zip-eh-dee-doo-dah.

I hope that by your junior or senior year of high school that you will think differently, and that you’ll follow in my footsteps by apologizing to your parents for the phase in your life that featured monosyllabic grunts, shrugs, and that all-too-familiar eye roll.

Just in case you’re wondering, I’ve developed a little translation manual that I use on a semi-regular basis to break through the communications barrier. It goes something like this:

Part I: “I don’t know” is the tween/teen equivalent of, “I refuse to incriminate myself under rights granted by the Fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.”

Part II: “I forgot” is code for “I ignored you.”

Part III: “Whatever” is code for “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just not listening to what you have to say.”

Part IV: “I’m sorry” is code — especially when directed at a sibling — for “Not really, but I had to say something to get Mom/Dad off my case.”

So, you see, we actually do know something. And we love you in spite of it.

Truly, we do…

Sincerely, Your Dad