“Smiling at Costco”

Given the start of school — and the running around we must do to get supplies — stores like Wal-Mart and Staples are slammed this time of year. Earlier this week, a friend sighed when I asked if she was prepared for another school year to begin.

"Nope," she said. "I've got to spend this weekend running around to get all of the supplies. Costco is going to love me by Monday."

That reminded me of a former work colleague, who several years ago told me that her then-boyfriend seemed to like Costco more than he liked her. They later got engaged and, as a "present," I wrote this tongue-in-cheek "country song."

Needless to say, the relationship didn't last, although I don't think this was to blame for it.

“Smiling at Costco” (to the tune of any George Jones song)

On our first date they made us show ID.
He pulled out his card, winked and said, 
“Let’s see.”

I blushed and turned away,
Not knowing what to say.
Who knew this was his favorite place to be?

I’d never seen anything like it before.
Where I grew up,
There’s no room for this type of store.

I asked him if this was where he brings all his dates.
He checked his watch – “It’s getting late.”
We hurried inside, and I did not know
Where my life was going to go.

We sampled microwaved food at the various stops.
“Fresh corn,” the vendor said. “Nearby crops.”
Her plastic covered hand offered me a chance to say,

I wish he’d smile at me
The way he smiles when
He’s in Costco.

As we walked down the aisle,
The fluorescent lights blinking all the while,
I wondered if this is what life should bring.

He says there’s no need to sulk.
You can’t buy what we have in bulk.

Wouldn’t ya know, it’s my luck.
But I won’t say that this just sucks. 

I just wish he’d smile at me
The way he smiles when
He’s in Costco.

I thought I’d found it all
But as I waited for his call.
I wondered if he really knew.

He works the floor like a pro.
Shows me the tires and the towels
And the Mop-and-Glo.

He loves the size of econo-paks
And swears it’s not something that I lack.
I wish I had the tact
But I can’t turn back now.

I wish he’d smile at me
The way he smiles when
He’s in Costco.

He says there’s no need to sulk.
You can’t buy what we have in bulk.

I thought of my wedding day.
You can’t find this sort of guy at Sam’s – no way.

I’ve harbored a secret dream
To get married on a cement floor.
Sometimes I suppress a scream.
But I’ll never show him the door.

Cause I know that someday soon
He’ll smile at me
The way he smiles when
He’s in Costco.