Phases and Stages

It’s hard for me to believe that all four kids are teenagers, although I have the gray hair — especially in my beard — to prove that they have been part of almost one-third of my life.

Reflecting on this — and seeing my reflection in the mirror — made me realize that parenting can be broken down into phases. For us, with three kids in 11½ months, it was the “Lift, tuck, and separate” phase of diapers, bottles, and all of the other assembly line tasks that new moms and dads face. At that point, parenting often feels like a series of inputs and outputs, with a few giggles and tears in between.

The elementary school years are another phase that, with occasional hiccups and surprises, tend to follow a familiar pattern. (You learn, for example, that “project” is actually a four-letter word.) Parents and children go through this wonderful evolution from discovery (everything has “first” attached to it) to exploration (dance classes, sports, hobbies), and eventually — you hope — start narrowing it down into career interests that match their abilities.

We are fortunate. Our kids found things they loved reasonably early and we have had the means and opportunities to help them pursue their passions. Of course, that meant we evolved early into the A1 Taxi Service phase, a virtual ballet of pickup and drop off that requires “Swan Lake”-style precision and the cooperation of the traffic gods on an almost-daily basis. And for the past three years, we added the “Planes, Buses, Trains, and Automobiles” value pack to our parenting.

Now, the kids officially have moved to the “all you can eat activity buffet” phase. Given where we live, the offerings are plentiful. Parenting, in between the pickups and drop offs, becomes a revolving checklist of “do you have this?” and “did you get that?”

The evolution is moving along — sometimes lurching — at a somewhat natural pace. As teens, they are at that familiar, restless place where they wish life would just hurry up. They want to drive. They want to spread their wings. They want economic freedom.

Don’t we all?

I try, like most parents, to remind them of this absolute truth: You spend the first 25 years of your life hoping it will speed up, and the rest wishing it would slow down. Enjoy where you are now, and make progress toward tomorrow.

As you move from one phase to the next, parenting doesn’t really become harder or easier, just different. Each brings new challenges, new obstacles, and new opportunities.

Sounds a lot like the rest of our lives, doesn’t it?